Always I Love You, I Hate You
by Nararuki
Summary: Usagi is married to the man of her dreams, but for some reason, things are not working out. Is their marriage going to be ok? Or will she have to give up the only man she ever loved?


Always (I love you, I hate you)  
  
Usagi rolled over in bed and turned to her husband Mamoru. He was sleeping soundly next to her, his naked body wrapped up in the bed sheets. She loved looking at him when he was like this. He was so perfect, so beautiful. The only regret she had was that he always seemed to be busy with work. Ever since Mamo-chan began working at the hospital, he never had time for Usagi anymore. She didn't want to sound selfish, but some nights he was so tired and he didn't even want to make love. She longed to feel his touch, to feel his lips press against her neck. She wanted to know the feeling of his soft silky hands on her breasts again. Usagi got up and walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. She pulled her short blonde hair back into a ponytail. She almost regretted cutting off all of her gorgeous locks, but it was time for a change. She was an adult now and she wanted to leave her childish past behind. The kitchen was pitch black, save for the glowing green numbers on the microwave. Usagi walked over to the refrigerator and scouted for something. There was a half a gallon of milk, some cranberry juice and a large bottle of bear. She shrugged and grabbed the beer. It had been so long since she last had a drink, mainly because one Mike's hard lemonade made her crazy enough to go stripping down the street. She took tiny sips of the beer and looked around her messy kitchen. There were papers all over the floor, yesterday's cereal box was still happily sitting in front of an empty bowl and Mamoru's things were all over the floor next to the door. A sweat drop fell from her forehead as she realized what a slob she was. "I guess I have some cleaning to do tomorrow." She walked back into her bedroom, beer in hand and stared at her gorgeous husband. The moonlight was shining through the skylight onto their bed, giving him the appearance of an angel. She couldn't believe that this was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. He was everything to her. She loved him. A smile curled across her lips and she crawled back into bed.  
  
*** Usagi ran around the house, trying to get everything ready before Mamo-chan went to work. She looked around the room and began to run a verbal checklist. "Breakfast on the table, check. Briefcase by the door, check. Jacket on the rack, check. Special card for my baby," she had a grin that went from ear to ear. "Check!" Mamoru walked in, trying to quickly finish his usually morning rituals. He walked over to the table and started to wolf down breakfast. Usagi walked over to give him a good morning kiss, but he signaled to the food in his mouth and she waited. When he was done, he picked up his coffee mug and headed toward the door. "Mamo-chan..." Usagi stood there, looking pitiful. He sighed and turned around to her. "Yes Usagi, what is it? I'm in a hurry." "I didn't get my good morning kiss." Usagi stepped closer to her husband. "You never forget my good morning kiss." Mamoru sighed and walked over to his wife. He gave her a peck on the lips and smiled. "There." She handed him an envelope and tried to contain her schoolgirl giggles. Inside was a special card that she had made just for her Mamo- chan. It had a poem inside that she had spent hours writing, which expressed her love and how she was sorry that she couldn't be a better wife. "I wrote this for you." He took it and walked over to the door. "Thanks, that's sweet. I have to go." He grabbed his briefcase and jacket, then before she could say "goodbye" he was out the door. She sighed and sat down at the table. Every morning was the same thing, except for the fact that they got shorter and shorter. Yes, he was making the money that put the roof of her head. Of course he spoiled her with everything she could ever imagine. Sure, he took her to expensive restaurants and sent her to places like Hawaii or Key Largo, but that wasn't what she wanted anymore. She wanted her Mamoru back. She wanted what they had when they had started out. They had only been married for five years, but it felt like it had been an eternity. The first couple of years went by quickly and it was almost like she couldn't get enough, but now...  
  
"But now..." Usagi was interrupted when the phone started to ring. Her train of thought was lost as she went over to answer it. "Hello?" "Usa-chan!" "Oh, Rei! It's so good to hear from you. It seems like it's been forever." "I know! I was just talking to Ami last night, and it seems like ever since you and Mamoru got hitched, we never have time anymore!" Usagi sighed. "I know, that's my fault I'm afraid." "Hey, it's ok. We don't blame you at all! I would never be around too if I had a husband as wonderful as yours. "Ya..." She paused and sat down at the table. "Wonderful...if he was around more..." Rei tried to sound apologetic. "I'm sorry honey. Hey, at least he is doing this so he can give you a good life. That man has never denied you anything that you ever wanted." "Yes, I suppose you are right." "Don't you get bummed on me now. I have something that might cheer you up!" "Oh?" Rei began to giggle. "It's great! Every store in Harajuku is having this huge sale! I called because I wanted to see if you'd like to go shopping. You always were a little shopoholic." Usagi walked over to the window and leaned against the wall. It had been so long since she had been out of the house. Maybe this would be good for her. She smiled and nodded. "You know what? I think I'll take you up on that offer.  
  
*** When Usagi and Rei stepped off of the train to Harajuku, everything was crazy. People were running around everywhere trying to grab as many things as they could. Some store clerks were standing outside with a megaphone screaming that something was 50% off, or that in the next minute, anything they could get to the register was free with a $30 purchase. Both of the girls were having a blast, running from store to store, ten or twenty bags barely dangling from their hands. Usagi really did need this. To get out and just have fun like she used to. She was so busy trying to be a house wife that she had forgotten what it was like to have a social life. As the girls walked out of a lingerie store, Rei spotted a small ice cream stand in the distance. "Hey, Usagi, you want some ice cream? My treat." "Hey! That sounds great!" The two girls walked down the busy street, chattering away about their friends and how everyone had become so different. "I just can't believe that Makoto is a famous chef, I mean it seems like just the other....day..." Rei looked behind her and noticed that her friend had stopped and was staring inside of a restaurant window. "Usa- chan? Are you ok?" Usagi squinted for a second and then shook her head with a laugh. "I'm sorry Rei, it's just for a second there I could have sworn that I saw Mamoru in there, but that couldn't be him." She walked over to her friend. "He was supposed to have this big important meeting with the owner of the hospital and that's why he couldn't have lunch with me this afternoon, so...that couldn't be him." Rei walked over and looked in the window. "Ya, that sort of looks like Mamoru, but like you said, that couldn't be him. Besides, it looks like that guy has a date anyway." Usagi sighed. "I'm sorry Rei, I guess I am just seeing things. I just miss him..." "Now don't you go and get depressed on me! Common, let's go get you a big scoop of mint chocolate! I know that's your favorite." She glanced at the window one last time. "Ya...ok..." *** Usagi ran around the kitchen in a hurry, with a phone propped up by her shoulder to her ear. "Ok, so when do I take the dumplings off the stove? Ok, got ya! God, Makoto you are a life savor." "No problem! You should have called me sooner, I could have come over and helped you." "No! I want this to only be from me. It's our six-year anniversary and I want everything to be perfect! He'll be so surprised!" She giggled and started to wrap things up. "Listen, I'll have to call you later. If I don't finish this soon, I may miss his lunch break!  
  
*** The young blonde looked up at the tall building that stood in front of her. She was so excited. He had no idea that she was coming, which was probably a good thing, otherwise he would have told her not to bother, because it was such a long way. She walked in through the revolving door and headed down the hall looking for his office. After asking a few nurses, she finally found a large door that read, "Dr. Chiba Mamoru, PHD." After one deep breath, she turned the knob on the door and walked in. The room was actually pretty empty, except for a few people sitting in chairs reading magazines and black-haired secretary, who was busily typing away on a computer. Usagi approached her desk and cleared her throat. "Excuse me, miss." The sectary looked up and smiled. "Yes how can I-" Both women looked at each other for a long time. Usagi couldn't believe what she was seeing. The woman in front of her, almost looked exactly like her. "Do...I um...do I know you?" The woman looked a little nervous. "No, I don't think so, but I know who you are, Mrs. Chiba." "How did...you-" "Um, Mr. Chiba has a photo of you on his desk. He said that we looked alike, but..." "Funny, he never said anything about you." Usagi looked her up and down, not believing the resemblance. She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts. "Is my husband in?" "Oh! Yes!" She pointed to a door. "Just go on in, he should be doing some paper work." Usagi thanked her and walked into the room. Mamoru-chan was, as she said, busy doing paper work and didn't even look up when he heard the door open. "Yes Naomi, what is it?" "Oh um...it's..." He looked up with a shocked look on his face. "Usako!" She waved. "Happy Anniversary." "Yes, yes of course." He got up and went over to her to give her a hug. "Happy anniversary. What are you doing here?" "Well, since I slept in, I didn't have time to make you the perfect breakfast...so," she pulled out a large picnic basket." I made you the perfect lunch!" "Oh no, Usagi, you didn't have to come all this just for-" "I knew you were going to say that! That's why I didn't call you first." She put the basket down on his desk and started to empty it out. "I know we are having dinner tonight, but I figured this was something special I could do for you and-" Mamoru grabbed her hand and stopped her from pulling things out. He sighed and kissed her hand. "Please don't hate me..." Usagi pulled her hand away. "What is it?" "I have to work late tonight. I meant to tell you! But I forgot and then Naomi reminded me of this meeting I had tonight and I can't miss it." Usagi forced herself to kept the tears that were swelling in her eyes from falling down her face. "But tonight is...you promised...and you've been working late every night this week!" Mamoru hung his head. "I know, but you've got to understand, if I don't, I could lose my job." He opened up a drawer and pulled out a small box. "But I did get you a wonderful present Usako." She took the box from his hand and threw it across the room. "No! You can't keep doing this to me Chiba Mamoru! You can't keep giving me diamond rings and think that everything is ok! When are you going to figure out that all I want is you?" "Usako..." "Look, I understand that you have to work, but if that means that you can't be with me anymore, maybe we need to reconsider our relationship." She picked up the basket and walked toward the door. "Think about it...Mamo- chan..."  
  
*** Usagi shut the front door behind her and fell to her knees in tears. "Why! Why is this happening to me? Oh god, why?" She started to sob as she began to pick up things and toss them around. She dragged herself across the room and picked up the half empty bottle of beer that sat on the counter. Without another thought, she took a huge swig and gulped down the entire thing. "Why did I even say that? Why?" She grabbed another beer from the fridge and started to consume it. "I don't want him to leave me! Oh god, what am I going to do?" She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked over at the phone. She needed someone to talk to right now, she needed someone who could help her. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Rei, I need to stay with you for a little while."  
  
*** Mamoru walked in the door and put his things down. He looked across the room and noticed that everything was a mess. There was broken glass all over the floor, clothing was scattered across the living room, and torn up picture was sitting at his feet. "Usako?" He headed toward their bedroom and called out again. "Usako? Are you here?" Suddenly, out of no where, his wife popped her head out from the bathroom. "What...are you doing here? Get the fuck outta my house!" She tried to walk over to him, but she could barely stand up. "Oh my god, have you been drinking?" "So what if I have? Would you care anyway?" She flicked him off and walked over to the bed, where she had a suitcase full of clothes. "Of course I care!" He walked over and grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around and face him. "I don't want to see you hurt yourself this way. Look at you! You look terrible." "I don't care." She looked away from him and down at the floor. "Usagi, please." He kissed her forehead. "Look, I'm sorry baby." "Sorry!" She threw up her arms. "Sorry! Please! Sorry doesn't even began to fix everything. It won't fix the fact that you haven't even been home for me in months! It won't fix the fact that our relationship died two years ago! Mamoru, I can't deal with this anymore! I love you! God if only you knew how much, but I can not keep doing this with you!" Mamoru grabbed her and forced his lips upon hers. Usagi wanted to protest, but she slowly melted in his arms as she realized what was going on. It had been so long since they last kissed that she didn't want it to end. He slowly caressed her arms as he moved his lips from hers, to her neck. Usagi let out a small moan and tried not to fidget as he slowly nipped at her ear. "Usagi...don't leave me," he whispered in her ear. "I'll do anything to keep you..." "Mamo-chan..." He pulled her shirt up over her head, revealing her beautiful tan breasts. "Shh...don't say a word." He placed her down on the bed and lay down on top of her. He cupped one of her breasts in his hand and let his tongue slowly glide over the other. Her small pink nipples slowly became erect to his touch, and Usagi began to pant. All she could think about was how she had been waiting for this moment forever. Mamoru began to plant kisses down her body until he came to her thighs. Usagi was going crazy with anticipation but her husband took his time and massaged her legs as he slowly kissed her sex, jeans still intact. Moans filled the small room Usagi let out a cry. "Oh god Mamo-chan! Please...I can't take this..." He unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off her legs slowly, noticing that she was completely wet. "Don't worry darling, I'll take care of you." He pushed her small pink thong aside and let his tongue lightly flick her clit. Usagi felt a burst of pleasure run through out her entire body and she started to run her fingers through his hair. "Oh god...yes...yes..." Mamoru took his time, letting his tongue glide across her sex, every now and again gently pushing it inside of her, When ever she felt like she couldn't take it anymore, he would stop and kiss her thighs, making her wait that much longer. "My beautiful Usako..." He looked up and ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you..." She pulled him close to her. "Please Mamoru.... I must feel you inside me. I must have you." She reached down and gently squeezed his penis. Mamoru let out a long moan and then kissed his blushing bride, letting his tongue play with hers. Usako struggled not to break the kiss as she helped him remove his pants. His throbbing manhood was fully erect when she finally got her hands on it and she stroked it lightly with her fingers. Mamoru groaned and pressed his body tightly to hers." "Make it last...it's been too long..." She bit his neck gently and then smiled playfully." He wrapped his arms around her waist and slowly pushed himself inside her. Usagi arched her back as she let out a low scream of pleasure. Nothing had ever felt so good as far as she was concerned. Mamoru continued to thrust in and out and in and out, every so often changing his pace. She wanted this moment to last forever, she wanted them to be locked as one, just like this, for all eternity. "Mamo-chan! God I love you! I love you!" She screamed one last time as she came, and let out a low sigh as she felt Mamoru fluids fill inside her. He leaned down and kissed her deeply on the lips. "I love you so much. Look at you, you are so beautiful." He leaned down and kissed her passionately on the lips. They both started to cuddle in bed together, there naked bodies still locked as one. "God Naomi I-" Usagi's eyes flung open at the sound of another woman's name. "Naomi...." She sat up and pushed Mamoru away from her. "Naomi!" Mamoru was overcome with panic when he realized the mistake he had made. "I meant! No...I mean...Usagi!" "Your damn right it's Usagi, but who the fuck is Naomi?" She glared at him, but then her face become flushed as she realized who the mysterious woman was. "Your...secretary..." "No!" He hit his head with his hand. "No, darling it's not what you think at all. I was just thinking about work and-" "Work! So is she your so called fucking 'meeting'? Huh? Is she the one who has been getting all the attention that you have denied me?" She sprang out of bed and grabbed her robe. "God, how could I have been so stupid?" "Usagi, please." He jumped up and tried to grab her arm." "Don't you touch me." She smacked him across the face and stared at him with disgust. "Don't you ever touch me again! No after you touched her, that slut! Ugh...my god! Why? Why her?" "She....she reminded me of you." He looked down at the floor. "So you fucked her? You had the real thing right here at home!" "No, it's more complicated then that-" "Well then please, explain yourself!" She sat down in a chair and waited for him to speak. "I don't know. Our relationship...it just seemed so typical...it was the same thing everyday...and then...she came in. She was different! I'm sorry Usako....but she was! She was something new, something exciting....and the fact that you two looked alike...it just didn't make me feel as guilty." "Well as far as I'm concerned, that's worse! I would have rather you screwed your assistant nurse then her! God, what am I saying?" She walked over to her dresser and picked up another beer. "Usagi, please don't drink anymore." "I don't really give a shit about your opinion anymore. I'd much rather be drunk then have to deal with this right now." She shivered. "Ugh...and I made love to you! I made love to you! And you say her name! He got down on his knees. "I know! I'm sorry! Please, please forgive me. Please, I love you!" "Love? You don't know what love is! If you did you never would have hurt me this way! I have love...I was the one who sat home every night, waiting for you! Just so I could say goodnight! That's it! I didn't even care if I got to talk to you, or hug you....I just wanted to see you...at least once during my day...and your off screwing your secretary!" She pulled her shirt over her head and searched for her pants. "Usagi...no please...where are you going?" "I'm getting away from you. I just...I can't even look at you right now." She slid her pants on and shut her suitcase. "I'll be back in a couple of days...and you damn well better think about what you have done. You better think about how much this hurts me...because no amount of pain your in, could ever equal up to mine." She walked over to the door and looked at her pathetic husband one more time. "Goodbye, Chiba Mamoru." *** "I just don't know what to do anymore Rei. I thought he was the one! I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and now..." Her sobs started to build back up again. "And now..." Rei grabbed her friend and gave her a great big bear hug. She rocked her back and forth and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Hey, I promise you, things will get better sweetheart." "How!? How Rei? I just lost the only man I ever loved! God...I just want to die right now." Rei pulled her friend away and shook her friend violently. "Don't you ever start thinking that way. He is not worth losing your life over. You could do so much better Usagi. Don't waste it all over him." "But...but...Rei...he..." "Honey I know." She hugged her again." I know this is hard. You remember how much trouble I went through with Yuuichirou when he dumped me? You remember how crazy I was? Now look at me! I am a successful lawyer, I have wonderful friends and I could care less if he ever walked back into my life." Usagi shook her head. "But Rei, you are so different from me. You have always been so strong and independent. I'm not like you! I can't do this!" Rei sighed and wrapped her friend up in a blanket. "Why don't you just stay away from him for a couple of days, ok? As much as I hate to admit it, it would be better to work this out then just leave. Who knows...maybe things will be ok.." Usagi lay on the floor and shut her eyes, letting a lone tear slide down her soaked face. "God, I hope so...I hope so."  
  
*** It had been a week since Usagi left her house to come stay with Rei. She was still devastated from the whole situation but after some time, she finally decided to talk things out with Mamoru. She loved him and if he loved her like he said he did, then just maybe they could make things work.  
  
She set her suitcase down and unlocked the door. When she entered, the entire house was clean. She couldn't believe how nice everything looked. She walked into the kitchen and started to take her coat off, but then she noticed something. A beautiful bouquet of red roses was sitting on the table. She almost started to cry when she saw them. He probably bought them to give to her as an apology. Of course it was just another gift, but at least it wasn't a diamond. She smiled and looked around the house. It was a Saturday, so she knew that Mamoru had to be around somewhere. "Mamo-chan?" She walked around her house, peering into all the rooms. "Mamo-chan, I'm home." She walked toward the bedroom and flung open the door. There he was. He was sitting there, lying in bed asleep. She smiled and started to walk over to join him when she noticed that he wasn't alone. Lying next to him was the black-haired secretary, Naomi. She just couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Oh my god..."She shook her head in disbelief and covered her mouth. "No...no...oh my god...no this cannot be happening again... She backed up into her dresser and started to scream. "No! This is not happening again!" Mamoru woke up with a start and gasped at the sight of his screaming wife. "Oh shit...oh my god...Usako..." "She's in my bed..." She started to cry. "She's in my bed! What is she doing in MY bed!!" Naomi began to stir and sat up when she realized that she and Mamoru were not only. "Oh no! Mrs. Chiba..." Usagi lunged for Naomi's throat and struggled to choke her, but failed miserably as Mamoru pulled her away. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" "Please...please! Mrs. Chiba, I am so sorry. Please..." Usagi pulled away from Mamoru. "Get off me you jerk! Oh god...I can't believe you! I trusted you...I trusted you...and then you broke it! And here I give you a second chance...and...you...you..." Her sobs were uncontrollable now. She walked over to her dresser and started to push things aside. "I wanted to love you Mamoru...and I wanted you to love me." She wiped her eyes and turned around. "But...but you don't." Mamoru jumped back as Usagi raised a gun and pointed it in his direction. "Are you sorry now?" "No, Usagi! What are you doing? Usagi put that down!" "No...you can't plead with me this time. You were the only one I was supposed to spend my life with and I can't now. So if I can't have you, then no one can." She glared at Naomi. "It's over. Everything is over." Naomi was crying now, trying her hardest not to freak. "Please, please don't do this. I'm sorry! We are sorry." Usagi shut her eyes. "So am I..."  
  
*** All of Tokyo would hear the sound of two shots ring through the quiet streets that night. Police cars and ambulances had already crowded the small house where it had all happened. Two police officers walked into the bedroom and stared at the crying woman in the corner. "The doctors say they are both dead...god what a terrible sight." The one cop turned away from two bloody bodies and looked over at the woman. "What do we do about her?" The second cop walked over to the corner and kneeled down in front of her. "Miss, we are going to have to take you for questioning." She nodded, still shivering. "I need you to give me your name, ok? Can you do that for us?" "...Naomi..."  
  
The End 


End file.
